Top 10 Reasons To Identify As Autistic-Dyslexic

1. Your inherent lack of coordination will cause your parents to seek out alternatives to traditional sports. And let's face it, some of those alternatives are pretty darn cool.

2. Most people need to fit eye-reading around their busy schedules. Ear-reading, on the other hand, allows you to devour 2-3 books a week. (Making you one of the most well-read people in the room.) Bonus: you can listen to audiobooks while shooting arrows Katniss-style.

3. When people want to know the truth to tricky questions like, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" they can ask you, confident in your honesty. They can also trust you not to cheat. (Or at least confess if you do....)

4. Technology: you get to use a lot of it.

5. You're an expert on your obsession du jour.

6. The journey to find "your thing" leads you through all manner of experiences and exposes you to countless opportunities. You get tested, you get challenged, and you find answers.

7. You learn to work very, very hard.

8. Someday when your significant other begs to watch a foreign film (with subtitles), you have a legitimate reason to tell her no. Lucky you!

9. You're unpretentious. You're not superficial. What you see is what you get. It's refreshing.

10. People underestimate you. (But you know better.) This means you can surprise people (or not) at will.

Bottom line is, autism and dyslexia are high walls to scale, but check out the amazing view at the top. It's beautiful up here.

The Hostest Writes A Postest

I love entertaining...well, I like the idea of it anyway. When push comes to shove, hosting events can be downright nerve-racking. But over the years I've mellowed out and learned a few tricks. For example, now not every room in my house need be spotless before visitors arrive. (And if you've already seen my house once, I won't knock myself out to scrub it for your second perusal.)

In fact, here's an untouched shot of what you'd find on a typical day at my home. Say, like, if you stopped by today.

Paper piles are the bane of my existence.

But I recall my first dinner party years ago. I was newly married, living in an apartment, and only beginning to take an interest in cooking. I didn't realize that a host must be organized in order to pull off a meal for six. The whole affair went a little something like this:

• Invite friends over for the coming Saturday.
• Look at a few cookbooks to get recipe ideas. Settle on one Friday night: Chicken Corn Chowder. That's it. Just Chicken Corn Chowder.
• An hour before friends come, go to the grocery store to pick up the necessary ingredients.
• Arrive back at my apartment just as friends are showing up.
• Freak out. I haven't even begun cooking anything yet!
• Welcome friends inside. Find out that one friend won't eat corn, and another won't eat chicken.
• Set three pots on the stove: one for Chicken Corn Chowder, one for Corn Chowder, and one for Chicken Chowder. Begin making all three variations at once.
• Figure out what to serve on the side. I think I have some bread around here! And water. Perfect.
• Oh yeah, I guess I should set the table too.
• Oops, there's not enough room for us all to fit comfortably. Cram 'em in!
• When everyone is starving, set the food on the table and eat.

That dinner party fiasco taught me valuable lessons that I never forgot. I entertain at least once a month these days, and my routine looks nothing like the list above. Allow me to share my new normal:

• Invite friends over for the coming Saturday.
• Ask them if they have any food allergies or dietary requirements that I should keep in mind. 
• Select a theme for the menu well in advance: Asian, Latin, African, Classic American...consider how adventurous (or not) my guests are. Then scour the internet for ideas-- or even more fun, the library!
• Some favorite recipe spots: Epicurious, Martha Stewart, The Pioneer Woman, America's Test Kitchen and Food Network.
• Start with one must-make recipe and build the menu around that. (Whether it's a side, main dish or drink matters not.) 
• Disregard recipes that do not contain a "make-ahead" element. If I want to be relaxed in the kitchen when guests arrive, I need to step away from the stove.
• Typically, I include a main dish, a vegetable side, a starch side, a fruit side (optional), a drink, and dessert. Sometimes I make it fancy, sometimes I make it simple. I like both.
• Grocery shop 1-2 days before the party.
• Prep all I can the day before.
• Set the table the morning of.
• Time dinner so that it's ready 15-20 minutes after my guests are due to arrive. (I find most people show up late.) Make appetizers available for the early birds.

Two ending thoughts: 

• I rarely request guests bring an item for a meal at my home. You are my guests. Don't fight me on this, people, Miss Manners has my back. Of course, exceptions may apply in certain circumstances. For instance, an impromptu potluck with family or friends, major holidays (my mom doesn't deserve to be stuck making everything), or a jointly-hosted affair.
• And secondly, I still bomb, despite my years of experience. Just ask the members of my small group. (Two words: Pad Thai.) But I don't let mistakes bother me. In fact, those times make for some of the best stories and/or learning experiences. And the pizza delivery guy is always just a phone call away.

So be brave! Invite someone over for dinner this month. It's a lost art. Revive it, and reap the rewards!

Carnitas-- Olé!

I finally decided: If forced to eat one cuisine for the rest of my life, I would choose Mexican food. It is nearly perfect...if you exclude tacos de cabeza from consideration. But otherwise, the mix of spicy, sweet, fresh, fried, salty, crunchy, meaty, savory and mmmmmmmm tip the fare into flawless territory. (Okay, maybe not quite flawless. Two more blechs: escamoles and huitlacoche. But I forgive those, Mexico, because the rest of your eats come from heaven.)

Hosting a Mexican exchange student provides me with opportunities to prepare meals with Latino flare, even if I come up short of authentic. And one of my favorite dishes to make is carnitas.

Seriously, you gotta try these.

Carnitas (from chef Roberto Santibanez of Fonda in New York)

4 lbs fatty pork shoulder, cut into 2-inch pieces
3 cups water
1 medium white onion, thinly sliced
1/2 orange, cut into 2 pieces
1/4 cup pork lard or vegetable oil
8 garlic cloves, peeled (I used only 2, 'cause that's how I roll)
3 bay leaves
1 Tbs sweetened condensed milk
2 tsp dried oregano (preferably Mexican), crumbled
2 tsp fine salt, or 4 tsp kosher salt

1. Throw all of that into a 6-to 7-quart heavy pot (I like to used my enameled cast-iron dutch oven). Couldn't be easier, right? Hmmmm, but what to do with the remaining sweetened condensed milk? If you take a page from our exchange student's book, you will use it as banana dip. I whole-heartedly approve.

2. Bring to a boil and skim off any meat foam that develops. Meat foam. Gross. Lower the heat and boil vigorously, stirring occasionally, until the liquid is evaporated; 1 1/2 to 2 hours. If you're like me, you will help children with homework during this time and completely forget to "stir occasionally." But you'll find out why this may work in your favor during the next step....

3. Preheat oven to 450F. Discard bay leaves and orange pieces. Transfer pork and fat to an ovenproof dish (if necessary) and brown the pork for 20-30 minutes. If, on the other hand, through your lack of stirring in the previous step, you caramelized some of the pork pieces on the bottom of your pot, you will have no need to brown the top. (You run the risk of burning the pork with this method, however. Fortunately, I caught mine in time.)

4. At this point, you can shred the pork and serve it immediately. Or, it will hold 2-3 days in the refrigerator. (Gently reheat it before using.)

Carnitas are pretty versatile, but our favorite way to eat them is in warm corn tortillas with cotija cheese, cilantro and pico de gallo. If you really want a gut-buster, add a side of refried beans and rice to your plate.

Enjoy!

Treasure Chest

How does it feel to be autistic and dyslexic? I wouldn't know. I'm neither. But daily, I view the path my son walks as he navigates life with both. I walk beside him. I notice how his labels weigh heavily, how he carries them on his back like an oversize trunk as he trudges along.

His trunk overflows with wonders unfamiliar to the general populace. Yet society doesn't encourage him to rummage through it and find which valuables might prove useful to him. And useful to others. They know that his trunk lacks the commonplace contents in the orderly knapsacks of most people—tools for building, ideas for sharing, or talents and skills to propel their owners toward success (that is, if their owners utilize them).

My son possesses too many items to carry in a backpack, and not knowing how else he would haul these curiosities, the world issued him an unwieldy chest.

When I examine the treasures inside, I often shake my head in confusion. What is this, exactly? How is it used? Why would anyone need this? And yet, they are his items to carry. His to use. His obsessions that breed keen knowledge, his deep sensitivity, his compulsive tidiness...just a few of the prizes.

I watch as passersby look on him in pity, sorry for the burden he bears, and thankful for their compact pouch of goods slung lightly over a shoulder. I watch as passersby look on us with scorn. "Do something, for God's sake!" Their eyes communicate. But also, I watch as passersby smile at him, seeing past his load into the rich strength of the person beneath the weight.

And I accompany him, swinging my own little bag of trinkets to and fro as we walk. As we shift his load this way and that to make travel easier, an idea takes root.

Wheels.

His trunk needs wheels—wheels enabling him to even run with his awkward box if he chooses.

And after we remove the trunk from his back, together, we will study each distinctive component, one at a time. We will find out why it's special, why it's necessary, and how it can be used. And we will use it all. The process will take years...time well spent.

I don't know what it's like to carry a full trunk. But fortunately, my small knapsack contains the tools to love someone who does. It holds tools to make wheels.

Thanks??

My darling son informed me of his plan for my next birthday gift. The idea requires more thought, perhaps, but the bones are good.

His creation, brought to life:

I see a triple entendre....

And while I apologize for my child's comfort using a less-than-couth term, it is one of the pitfalls of living with a label that sounds exactly as he interprets it. Asperger's.

And you know what? No one's ever served me a better burger than him.

But the slogan...could use some work.

Valentine's Day Sweeties

If you read my page "Backyard Soup?" you know I toyed with the idea of writing a food blog.

Mmmmmm...foooooood....

But instead, I chose to create a blog where I could post anything I wanted, anytime. Well, today I selected a culinary theme. Below you'll find a recipe for creme-filled chocolates-- perfect for your valentine!

I'd like to thank my chefs du jour (daughter, Ru, and her friend) who created these delectable little treats while I acted as photographer (and head taste-tester).

The chefs.

Enjoy.

Chocolate Creams Deluxe
(Original recipe from The Ultimate Candy Book by Bruce Weinstein.)

Ingredients:
2 1/2 cups sugar
1 cup light cream
1 Tbs light corn syrup
1/4 tsp salt
3 Tbs unsalted butter
1 Tbs vanilla extract
20 oz semisweet chocolate chips (or use milk chocolate if you prefer)
Butter, for greasing the pans
The patience of Job (do not substitute)

Wait a sec.... There aren't supposed to be maraschino cherries in this picture. And where's the butter and cream??! I am inept.

1. Butter a 9x13-inch baking pan. Butter a large cookie sheet and line with wax paper. Set both aside. Don't attempt to use cooking spray here. (Butter = love. Cooking spray = you're not that into him.)

2. Prepare fondant: Combine the sugar, cream, corn syrup, salt and butter in a heavy tall-sided saucepan. (I'm not kidding, folks. You cook these items in a little saucepan and you're going to have one heckuva mess to clean up. One word: spillover.) Place the pan over medium heat and stir until the sugar dissolves completely and the syrup comes to a boil.

Big pan. That's what you need to learn from this picture.

3. Attach a candy thermometer to the inside of the pan and cook the syrup, without stirring, until it reaches 240F (soft ball). Immediately pour the hot syrup into the greased 9x13-inch dish. Let the syrup cool undisturbed until the bottom of the pan feels lukewarm to touch.

Lukewarm means tepid. Don't rush.

4. Add the vanilla. Using a heavy wooden spoon, stir the lukewarm mixture until it forms a ball. Some of the fondant may stick to the pan. (It also may seize into a hard mass and become impossible to stir.) This step requires patience, you might be at it for a while.... Tag-teaming helps.

Creeping optional, although highly recommended.

I'm not sure how this aids in the candy-making process....

5. In any case, seal the ball of fondant (even if rock hard) into a 1-gallon Ziploc bag, removing as much air from the bag as possible. Allow it to rest 1 minute before continuing.

Quit poking it! R-E-S-T!

6. With the fondant in the bag, roll the candy with the heel of your hand, pressing down toward the counter. Continue this light kneading until the fondant appears smooth and creamy and feels like a firm cookie dough; about 10 minutes. Shape into bite-sized balls and place on prepared cookie sheet.

"Help" from little brothers is optional.

7. Dipping the fondant: Melt 10 ounces chocolate in the top of a double-boiler (or bowl) set over hot water. When the chocolate has melted completely, remove from over hot water. Add the remaining 10 ounces of chocolate and stir until all chocolate is melted and smooth. Test the melted chocolate with a candy thermometer; its temperature should be 88-90F. If too cold, place back over hot water. If too hot, let cool until desired temperature is reached.

I...I can't....

8. Take a short singing and interpretive dance break.

FYI: plastic "measuring cup microphones" will work too. (Although use metal if at all possible.)

(Depicting the savagery of bonbons.)

9. Spear each piece of fondant with a toothpick and dip into melted chocolate. Gently tap the toothpick on the edge of the bowl to remove excess chocolate. If you're two distracted teens, you will skip that tip and just let chocolate run all over the place. No matter. Return dipped candy to wax paper. You can then add a drop of chocolate to mask the hole made by the toothpick. (Distracted teens will ignore this as well.)

Ru, experimenting with alternate dipping techniques.

For the love of chocolate, why couldn't they dip the fondant balls in order? WHY?!?

10. Let the chocolate creams deluxe sit uncovered at room temperature overnight. (Ha! As if they will stay unmolested that long!) If any remain come morning, store them in layers, separated by wax paper, in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

11. Clean up your royal mess.... Oh wait, I guess I'm the photog AND maid service.

Sigh.

Foreign Exchanges

I love Google translate, I use it all the time. I'm blessed with an international bevy of friends: Brazilians, Mexicans, Russians, Japanese, Czechs, Africans and more. My Facebook timeline often looks like the UN dribbled on it. And if Google didn't help me understand what their posts say, I'd be lost.

But sometimes I doubt Google's language precision. You see, it mistranslated a photo description I once sent to my exchange student's mom. It changed "darn attractive kid" to "damn sexy kid." Oops.

It gave me an idea, though. Think of the hilarity that would ensue on Facebook if we used Google to translate our status updates into foreign languages, and then retranslate them into English. In fact, this sounds like so much fun, I'm starting now.

(Japanese.)
Suddenly, you do not know what I'm saying. I mean, it was not a bold announcement that I made. Good part of this method of writing, however, is that you do not have to pay so much attention to the structure and whatnot statements. 'Cause, like, anyway give up Google's just gonna mess, right?

(Portuguese.)
Hmmmm, not bad, Google. You could have gone up a notch in translation skills. Kudos! But what if I get all higher thought of you and play some higher meaning of your way? You can get away with ideas like swinging participles and stock falls? Or if I drop some slang are you? You have to translate those game, Google? Because I'm about to go all out.

(Russian.)
This next section will contain more slang chemobezyana fleas. Another idiom (some of which I will be as I go along ), chemkloun car has clowns. In fact, Google, if you can manage this section, I'll take back every middle thing I ever said about you. You staneterok star of epic proportions, and all other translators worship their superiority.

(Czech.)
Well, I'm almost done. I must say that I was impressed overall. I mean, I did not believe Google translate to create a legal document or anything, but I thought that his ability has improved in the last year. But next time I want to send a note to my mom student exchange (in Spanish), I give a little more credit for Google. But I never tell her that her son is "damn good looking."

(English.)
Oh yeah, that's fun. Give it a try!